Coincidences
by Psycho Goddess
Summary: Some langage may be considered offensive, bt I'm mad @ JC and this is my opinion abot what's going on behind the show. What do the characters think. Nowhere near as funny as I thought, but oh well. Another chapter, that explains some things. please read,
1. Default Chapter

Okay, I was really bored and felt like something funny, and this is the first thing to pop into my head. It's not funny, but I don't care. Nothing I write is in any way a reflection of my beliefs. Despite all appearances, I am not a drug/ alcohol addicted nutcase. Enjoy, don't enjoy, I really don't care, as long as it is reviewed.  
  
  
  
Max: You know Logan, you're really boring this season. Screw you, I'm gonna get it on with Zack.  
  
Logan: You mean Farmboy? How could you?  
  
Max: I still like you, but I fell in love with a rich liberal white guy, not some dude who thinks he's cool and flirts with any piece of tail that comes along.  
  
Logan: That's not very nice.  
  
Max: Well the truth hurts.  
  
**Enter Bling and Herbal**  
  
Max: Where the hell were you guys?  
  
Herbal: Well we went on a cross-country tour on our Harley Davidson and picked up some tough chicks.  
  
Bling: We were gonna invite you, but that oaf said we couldn't.  
  
Max: Logan, you don't run my life. If I want to get drunk and freeze my ass off, I have that right. You're not my father.  
  
Logan: I'm old enough to be.  
  
Max: Zack's more interesting then you. Long live cowboys!! **Cowboys and Angels (by Garth Brooks) starts playing**  
  
Logan: What the Hell is that??? I prefer hardcore metal myself. Besides, you can't be with Zack, Mr. Sink A Boat says we're going to end up together.  
  
Max: Yeah well, he had better have a good excuse for this season! Hopefully he fell down some stairs and his head got shoved up his ass. it's the only reasonable explanation. Plus, Fox is conspiring to kill us all. one more preempt and this season won't be over until at least December of 2003.  
  
Anyways, Mr. Help Me, I'm Desperate For A Show Of My Own and Mr. What's-his-face. Eglee, Eggly, Egghead. yeah that's the one. aren't here so. NA NA NA NA NA NA!!!!!!  
  
Logan: Fine, I'm taking this up with the Author.  
  
Psycho Goddess finds herself in the land of terrible endings..  
  
Psycho Goddess: This better be good, I was just discussing my choice of bedroom decorations. I'm telling you, padded walls are IN this season.  
  
Logan: Whatever. Are Max and I gonna be together?  
  
Psycho Goddess: That depends.. My name isn't James Cameron, or anything else involved with the show, so I don't know. And considering how stupid you two are this season, I don't care. So there! You just lost the biggest shipper ever.** well not really, but refer to the AN at the top**  
  
Logan: Fine, then I get Asha.  
  
Psycho Goddess**looks embarrassed**: Well, she pretty busy right now. I told her that she has to tame a wild boar by 5 o'clock tonight.  
  
Logan: You did WHAT???  
  
Psycho Goddess: Well, I was running low on food for all my fluffy pink bunnies.  
  
Max, Herbal and Bling: Hey.. You forgot about us!!!!  
  
Psycho Goddess: No I didn't. Trust me, ignoring you guys is intentional. Now if yo'll excuse me, I'm wanted in my good fic..  
  
Max**wearing angel outfit. You know, wings, hale, harp, white gown...**: Well, I'm going to visit Ben. The Blue Lady's a friend of his you know. It's ironic. did you know that she's the Queen of Angels? I'm her little princess. **flies away**  
  
  
  
As much as I wish I could blame this on drugs, alcohol or some other substance that impairs judgment, but I'm sober and don't do drugs so. go figure!!! 


	2. I'm back! Run for your lives....

Mwwhahaha!! I warned people not to review. I'm home alone with nothing to do and I've decided to continue this story..  
  
Anyways, FYI the song Cowboys And Angels was used because the chorus goes  
  
**Cowboys (Zach) and Angels(Max)  
  
Leather and Lace**  
  
And Max wears leather so I'm not sure what that means. ;)  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Max has arrived at the pearly gates, only to discover Zach awaiting entrance.  
  
"What the hell are you doing here?"  
  
"Don't say that word here. Hey, you're the pretty girl from the hospital."  
  
"Yeah. I'm your sister Max, you moron.."  
  
"Well Max. I forgot how to stop a car."  
  
Max gives him a look of disbelief.  
  
"I had amnesia bozo."  
  
"Apparently you forgot how to insult too."  
  
"Yeah. Wanna make something of it?"  
  
"No. I don't want your incest gene to kick in."  
  
"Next!" calls the gatekeeper.  
  
"Wait a minute! Since when is my exboyfriend guardian of the gate? What happened to St. Peter?"  
  
"Hey Max. am I still the Man?"  
  
"Eric. You never were the Man. You passed out before I could screw you. Seriously, you should consider watching how much you drink!"  
  
"Fine. You're not getting in. So there." He sticks out his tongue.  
  
"Too bad, so sad. I'm friends with the Blue Lady and she has seniority."  
  
"Not anymore. She lost her place as God's right hand man -er,- woman because she had an affair with a follower."  
  
"Oh no! Let me guess. Ben?"  
  
"How'd you know that?"  
  
"He's the man. Ben figured it out. If people aren't exactly what you want, you kill them. And that applies to EVERYONE. even annoying drunks who give you cases of oil."  
  
"God! She's making fun of me."  
  
"SHUT UP ERIC!!!!! Everyone makes fun of you. I make fun of you. The old lady that lives above Logan Cale's penthouse makes fun of you! You're an idiot!"  
  
GOD comes out, looking suspiciously like a talking Doberman. "Max gets to come in if she wants. She's friends with merpeople, and I owe them a favor. Dogs aren't great swimmers."  
  
Meanwhile, back at the apartment..  
  
"How could Max not fall in love with me." Logan takes off his glasses. "I'm Superman. Think about it. I'm a journalist with a secret identity that fights crime. My glasses are my disguise."  
  
"Whatever dude." A very high Lydecker looks at Logan. He's wearing little duck boxer, and you can see the top of a camouflage thong at the top. (AN: my nickname for Lydecker is Lyducky) .  
  
"I must go save Asswhore from impalement on the walrus's tusks."  
  
"Uh, man. I think Max said it was a wild Boar."  
  
"Never mind. I may be horny and annoying, but that is not cool. I know! BOOTYCALL!!!"  
  
he picks up the phone. "Hey. Is this Sexy Mommas Escort Service? Good. Send me your best girl."  
  
A little while later..  
  
Logan opens the door. "Kendra. Why are you working as a prostitute?"  
  
"Is this what the job is? Oohh, now everything makes sense. Anyways, short story long, Mr. Multiples ran off with some chick named Margo Cale. Left me high and dry. Said I was too promiscuous. I kicked his ass all the way to Canada!" she looks proud of herself. "The Margo bitch got what she had coming to her."  
  
"Margo Cale is my aunt you ninny! How dare you hurt my family! They're so important to me."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I'll stop now. Review please, I promise I won't write anymore. And yeah, this isn't my best piece of writing, so read my other story (soon to be *if I get off my ass and finish them* stories) if you want to know how I write. And congrats to anybody who figured out who Margo was. 


	3. I said run...now you have to face the co...

Okay, I've warned you: DON"T REVIEW UNLESS YOU WANT MORE!!! Hopefully this will clear up some questions. Any more questions, just leave them in your reviews, I'll answer them. ;) It's getting kind of fun. :D And I know this is short, but it's sooooo much fun. :D  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Oh Zachie, I'm so sorry about that incest crack, but well, after all you were standing at the pearly gates. I wanted to make sure you got in. I figured jumping your bones wouldn't be that smart." She's all over him.  
  
"It's okay. It sure was nice for God to give me a second chance at life."  
  
"How could he resist after you scratched him right behind the ear?"  
  
Suddenly there's a loud thump. Max goes to investigate.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, back at Fogle Towers….  
  
"This is ridiculous. My God Kendra, I thought you were a professional. That's it…. I'm going after Asha. Wild boars aren't that bad. Like I said, Supercale to the rescue!"  
  
Psycho Goddess appears, bewildered. "Alright, I didn't write this. Where is this coming from? What the hell?" Disappears again.  
  
Logan reappears, dressed as SUPERCALE. Tights, a cape and underwear. Flies off in search of Asswhore -er, Asha. Flies into a building and falls onto a balcony. Suddenly he's back to season one Logan, with that scruffy beard and those glasses that make him all sexy and intellectual. "Oh no. What has happened to me? Where's Max? I must save her from Zach!"  
  
"Logan? What the fuck are you doing here? Looking all hot and sexy and….."  
  
"I've come to save you from Zach…….that man is pure evil."  
  
Zach comes out. "That's not very nice." Starts pouting. "Maybe I am just a whiny ass wimp of a soldier, but I have feelings too."  
  
"I don't know. Logan, Zach is my brother. I can't hurt his feelings."  
  
"That's okay Max. Jondy's here now. She's the one I really wanted to screw anyways."  
  
"WHAT?!?!?! You mean that I almost slept with you and you were thinking about somebody else!!"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"THAT'S IT!! Logan, let's go." She mutters under her breath. "I always loved a man in tights."  
  
Psycho Goddess rematerializes. "That's a bit better. Now if only I cold find a way to get rid of the monkey baddie. Apes White is such a buggleswerth….doesn't scare anybody. I WANT DECK BACK!!!!!"  
  
Max and Logan leave to go make hot monkey love.  
  
Which prompts Psycho Goddess to ask innocently, "Virus? What virus? There is no virus, it's your imagination. Must have been your way of coping with the lack of Max and Logan shipping hopes this season. All thanks to Pretty boy Jensen."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Damn, I am bitter. :o(my shocked face) I blame it on the people I hang around, they are still very mad about this season, and I really have to agree with them. It's been BS and will continue to do so until Fox figures out that we won't stand for it! So if you are mad about this season, please let your voice be heard (in a nice, non-threatening manner) by emailing the network at:  
  
askfox@foxinc.com  
  
thank you for expressing your opinions. And just so you know, there have been things about this season I have liked, but at this rate Dark Angel will be cancelled, which is sadly understandable. I want my show back, not it's poor look-alike. It's become another show on TV, using the same tired plot devices. I'm sorry if you like this season, but last year's was much, much better and I think it's time to let Fox know it! No flames if you don't agree with my opinion please.  
  
And if you don't want to, it's all good. Just making a suggestion before DA becomes Dawson's Creek the second. 


End file.
